Well, it is happening again...I am on First Date Eve. While this has a slight holiday ring to it, like Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve, it is NOT a holiday. It is the night before a first date. Not my first date ever, just the first date with this new friend. Well, I have already had time to panic, freak out, over think, and over analyze. Fortunately for me I have the most amazing support system. I have gone over almost every detail of my short friendship with this person in my head, to my mom, my sister, my best friends, my co-workers who are also some of my very best friends and they have patiently listened and talked me down off the crane! They have encouraged me, sometimes forcefully, to go and have a good time. I must say, I would love to go and have a good time. I even have begun to look forward to the event, but there are still a few jitters inside.
I can honestly say I have begun to feel excited about going to dinner tomorrow night. I have picked out what I am going to wear, which is new (always good!), I have shoes (wish they were new and so does my friend Hayley, smile),I have chosen my accessories, I know the location, and the time! In fact, I even know my friend better now. We have actually talked a few different times today which has really put me more at ease!
I have no idea how this will turn out...I can't even guess, because if I begin guessing than I will begin thinking about every possibility of the evening and how I feel, and how he feels, which will then put pressure on me and then I will begin to rethink which leads to the over thinking and the over analyzing and can bring on a full blown panic attack! Don't scoff in disbelief thinking I am exaggerating. I assure you that even though I have been known to over dramatize things...this is the truth. I have caused myself to have a panic attack over a date-just in anticipation, and I have made myself physically sick. I don't know why, can't answer that one for you! However, I have been praying for a long time for a guy to meet me and just be interested in me. I hate blind dates and internet dating...for one reason because they have not been successful for me (obviously, or I wouldn't be single) and the second reason being, if they don't know me or haven't seen me I must worry about what they will think of my physical appearance, my personality, my outfit, and if I talk too much (probably:)) so that is why I prefer for a guy to meet me and then want to take me out. This has not happened in awhile so it was a lovely surprise when I met this guy just 2 weeks ago while hanging out with my friend Stretch, and we became friends. Then he asked me out! I am loving that I prayed that would happen one day and BOOM! the Lord answered that specific prayer.
I have no idea what will happen at dinner tomorrow night or after dinner. This may be the one and only date or it may develop into more dates...but regardless of the outcome I am thankful that I prayed to the Lord and He heard my request!
I'll keep you posted on the dating situation! And I might even get a picture on here of my outfit, but no promises. There is a great chance I will chicken out of that one! :)
So, time for bed, I would hate to have dark circles under my eyes tomorrow night! :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
A New Life for Me Starts Today!
I have a new found obsession. I now love, love, love twitter. I had always thought of twitter as some ridiculous idea. My knowledge of it was thinking that everyone was tweeting about minor details in their own lives like if they were going to starbucks, or wal-mart, or what they ate for dinner. I found myself totally uninterested in this. However, my brother informed me one evening that he had started following our pastor on twitter. He did this because our pastor had recently become no longer the pastor at Second Baptist. My family and I were greatly saddened by the events and my brother felt like he could keep up with the pastor by following him. When I heard of this idea I immediately got on twitter. I began following the pastor, his wife, and his daughter. As I became followers of them I could see people they were following. Our pastor was following some other preachers. I could look at some of what they were posting and it was much better than just casual information like what was for dinner. Instead, they would post little thoughts about deeper things. It was like little mini Bible studies posted all throughout the day. They gave me things to think about, and things to apply to my life. I now follow countless numbers of people. There are certainly occasional tweets about places they are going, or things they are doing, which I don't mind, but my favorite things are the snippets I read that apply directly to my life.
I began following Women of Faith on twitter. Everyday they post a link to a daily devotion. Today as I clicked on the link I had an epiphany. The Lord totally opened up my eyes to a detail! The devotion was about Peter, the disciple who denied knowing Jesus when He was on the cross, thus making him one of my favorite disciples; not because of his denial, of course, but because even though he had faults and he failed the Lord, he was forgiven. I feel so relieved of guilt when I myself partake in or receive the Lord's forgiveness. But getting back to the devotion now, it was written by Sheila Walsh today and I want to share them on here. She said, "Have you messed up? Perhaps you are ashamed to even face what you have done. It may have been something that caused harm not just to you but to others. If so, have the faith to remember that with God all things can be made new. Your past is just that. But your future in Him is limitless. All God looks for is a desire to begin moving in the right direction, and he will be there to embrace you." I LOVED IT! It was nothing I had not known or heard before or even used when talking to others. Today though it hit me differently. Here are the lines that I got so hung up on, Your past is just that. But your future in Him is limitless." Did you read that the way I did? Your past is just that...it's the past! Yahoo! I got it! I mean I do have a past but I always consider my past as long ago and far away, just not long enough ago and far enough away for me to forget it. But according to scripture, it actually IS! My bad decisions in my past have been forgiven and He remembers them no more, they are as far as the East is from the West. I can't really fathom all that that entails but I know it means He doesn't remember them, only I choose to do that and to keep going back to them and dredging them up so that I can feel guilty and bad and ashamed. Not anymore! I'm all done with that! Past is past and my future is limitless.
Another epiphany I had concerning the devotion, due to recent events in my life I am sure, was that "your past" does not have to mean only big, bad, ugly mistakes I have made. It can also mean just life in general that you have already gone through. It doesn't even have to mean mistakes, it can be as simple as yesterday because yesterday is in the past. And the past is O.V.E.R.! Hello! What great news! I can get pretty bogged down in my past. For instance, I in the past have not been successful in dieting, faithful in exercise, nor have I found myself to be very disciplined, etc. But all of those things are in the past. My future, according to the devotion, is absolutely limitless. Anything I want to change I can change. I know me and I can get a bit bogged down in my status of being single. I get all sad sometimes not really because I am single, but more about the fact that there is no guy who is "after me". I proudly wear the "poor rejected me" outfit and solicit others sympathy. Every time I think there might be a prospect of a guy I begin my negative thinking and mantra of, "I would really like things to finally work out with a guy, but I'm not getting my hopes up because as we can all see, up to this point it hasn't." My family and friends listen to me drone on and on about this. I don't mean to complain and whine about it but I do because there is significant hurt inside. But all the rejection I have chosen to hold on to, because that's all there is to hold on to once the guy has exited my life like his hair was on fire, is no longer going to be my constant companion! It is now also in the past. Was I rejected? Yes, sometimes, sometimes it just didn't work out for either of us. Did it hurt? Yep! But that rejection is in the past. I am going to start over, right now, right this very minute! I am embracing a fresh start. I will not let my past behavior dictate today's behavior! I have a new life today! I will not compare any of my yesterday's to today. Today is a new day. Today is a new right now. It is a FABULOUS now and a great time to start my new FABULOUS life! Woo Hoo!
I began following Women of Faith on twitter. Everyday they post a link to a daily devotion. Today as I clicked on the link I had an epiphany. The Lord totally opened up my eyes to a detail! The devotion was about Peter, the disciple who denied knowing Jesus when He was on the cross, thus making him one of my favorite disciples; not because of his denial, of course, but because even though he had faults and he failed the Lord, he was forgiven. I feel so relieved of guilt when I myself partake in or receive the Lord's forgiveness. But getting back to the devotion now, it was written by Sheila Walsh today and I want to share them on here. She said, "Have you messed up? Perhaps you are ashamed to even face what you have done. It may have been something that caused harm not just to you but to others. If so, have the faith to remember that with God all things can be made new. Your past is just that. But your future in Him is limitless. All God looks for is a desire to begin moving in the right direction, and he will be there to embrace you." I LOVED IT! It was nothing I had not known or heard before or even used when talking to others. Today though it hit me differently. Here are the lines that I got so hung up on, Your past is just that. But your future in Him is limitless." Did you read that the way I did? Your past is just that...it's the past! Yahoo! I got it! I mean I do have a past but I always consider my past as long ago and far away, just not long enough ago and far enough away for me to forget it. But according to scripture, it actually IS! My bad decisions in my past have been forgiven and He remembers them no more, they are as far as the East is from the West. I can't really fathom all that that entails but I know it means He doesn't remember them, only I choose to do that and to keep going back to them and dredging them up so that I can feel guilty and bad and ashamed. Not anymore! I'm all done with that! Past is past and my future is limitless.
Another epiphany I had concerning the devotion, due to recent events in my life I am sure, was that "your past" does not have to mean only big, bad, ugly mistakes I have made. It can also mean just life in general that you have already gone through. It doesn't even have to mean mistakes, it can be as simple as yesterday because yesterday is in the past. And the past is O.V.E.R.! Hello! What great news! I can get pretty bogged down in my past. For instance, I in the past have not been successful in dieting, faithful in exercise, nor have I found myself to be very disciplined, etc. But all of those things are in the past. My future, according to the devotion, is absolutely limitless. Anything I want to change I can change. I know me and I can get a bit bogged down in my status of being single. I get all sad sometimes not really because I am single, but more about the fact that there is no guy who is "after me". I proudly wear the "poor rejected me" outfit and solicit others sympathy. Every time I think there might be a prospect of a guy I begin my negative thinking and mantra of, "I would really like things to finally work out with a guy, but I'm not getting my hopes up because as we can all see, up to this point it hasn't." My family and friends listen to me drone on and on about this. I don't mean to complain and whine about it but I do because there is significant hurt inside. But all the rejection I have chosen to hold on to, because that's all there is to hold on to once the guy has exited my life like his hair was on fire, is no longer going to be my constant companion! It is now also in the past. Was I rejected? Yes, sometimes, sometimes it just didn't work out for either of us. Did it hurt? Yep! But that rejection is in the past. I am going to start over, right now, right this very minute! I am embracing a fresh start. I will not let my past behavior dictate today's behavior! I have a new life today! I will not compare any of my yesterday's to today. Today is a new day. Today is a new right now. It is a FABULOUS now and a great time to start my new FABULOUS life! Woo Hoo!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My Fabulous Friends
I love my friends! I am so thankful for them. I was raised in a FABULOUS home where we all shared everything. We were always free to share our feelings, our opinions, literally everything! Therefore as an adult I still like to share everything. However, I am single and live alone so when I come home there is no one here to share my day with, or cry to, or laugh with. I still to this day call my mom all the time and share things with her but since there is no husband to share with the Lord has given me some FABULOUS friends! My friends are such good listeners. They are so very supportive and can also talk some sense into me when I begin to overthink, overanalyze, and spin out of control! My friends really care. They will call or text me to check on me. And we all laugh together and can be ourselves when we are together. I don't have a fabulous husband, but I sure have some Fabulous Friends! Thank you Lord for the blesing of my friends!
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